The Goldfish Theory

The Goldfish Theory

- Mike Woronik

The world is awfully full of terrible situations: circumstances that we cannot control.  But which of these deserve our pity?  Are we to feel empathy for the condition another life is in simply because we deem it saddening?  As a point for your ponderings, I submit to you: The Goldfish Theory.

Bear with me, I am aware that recent research has proven that goldfish can actually retain information for at least five months.  The memory retention of a goldfish is not my point.  For this elaboration to invoke thought, assume for the time being that the goldfish myth holds true, and that they do, in fact, have a complete memory retention of a mere three seconds.

Imagine a captivated goldfish, in a bowl containing nothing but a sparing amount of pebbles on the bottom, a fake plant, and plain water.  This goldfish has no friends; nor does it have any enemies.  It has no life aspirations or exciting ambitions to accomplish; and it also lacks variety and the sense of reward one obtains after achieving something grand.  There is nowhere to go, there is nothing to see. With the passing of every three second cycle, the entire life of this fish is reborn; starting from nothing, and returning to nothing.  It is a goldfish in captivity; it doesn’t even have a name.

I’ve pondered this sort of life that a goldfish must endure; it seems one worthy of my sympathy, as it seems rather depressing.  That’s when the thought struck me: “Is the goldfish happy?”.  Though this goldfish has nothing exciting to do in order to pass the time, it also lacks the ability to feel bored.  Though it knows no one but itself, would it care either way?  Though it is trapped in a bowl not much larger than itself, its entire world becomes brand new every three seconds!  This goldfish experiences life in luxury: food every day, no one to fight with, and a life filled with the constant excitement of experiencing everything for the first time day after day.

Now is a goldfish to be pitied?  Though to us, with our complex minds and constant desire to feel stimulated, combined with a passion to do something worthwhile, this life seems like a prison that would sap the very life force out of use.  But to the goldfish, it is paradise.