Nobody Knows How My Voice Sounds

     It's true, and so very strange, that nobody knows how my voice actually sounds.  Known only to me, and to God, it exists as a secret mystery that no one even
attempts to unravel.  Let me explain.

     As unique as the situation is in which your own voice sounds different to you, than it does to other people, the voice that you think with is distinctly different from each.  Think about it: as you read this sentence, you're likely reading it in your default "thinking voice".  There are of course, exceptions: if you know me you could be reading it in my voice.  Or you might not be reading it in any voice at all.  

     Besides that, though, I know for one that I have a very specific voice that I think with.  It's different from the voice that you hear me speak with; it's even different from how I hear my own voice when I speak.  It is unique, because it is how I perceive my voice to be, from my inward being.

     Now, I take this a step further, and I will attempt to convey to you something that is difficult for some to grasp.  I don't see myself as I actually appear physically.  When I look in the mirror, it's as if a stranger; foreign and unappealing is blankly staring back at me.  In actuality, my hair is blonde.  But if I focus on how I see myself, I believe my hair is jet black.

     Let me provide an analogy, to aid in your understanding of this concept.  Do you ever see a person and, after meeting them think "Wow, their personality matches what they look like exactly.  I could tell that they would be like that just from looking at them!".  Some people have this characteristic: they look the part.  Their personality matches their physical appearance pretty well.  Well, with me, mine doesn't.  At least not to me.  I feel like my personality, my values, the deepest core of who I am, should be matched with a different physical appearance.  I feel my outward characteristics are misleading to those who don't know me, because they are not reflective of who I am inwardly.

     It's as if I'm in the wrong body.  I suppose I'll have to make due with what I have.  However, in the meantime, I look forward to Heaven, and to the point where I will have a spiritual body that God gives me.  I believe then, I will finally feel like the perfect match between me, and a physical appearance will be made.